Girls Gone Wild

Ahh man, I just wrote a whole sarcastic, caustic blog and I lost it before it was saved. All that wit and snipe and I lost it! I know how Michael Douglas' character felt in The Wonder Boys!

Alright, Girls Gone Wild--and there wasn't a beach or a bikini in sight.

I understand that Sarah Palin felt the need to weigh in again on the NY Mosque issue. Guess the President was taking so many shots that it was safe for her to peak up out of her hole and try to get off another round (don't you like the way I managed to keep the hunting metaphor going?). She sent the President her opinion via Twitter. The woman tweeted at the Commander in Chief of the free world! Come on. Have you no shame, or no respect for the office you presumably want to attain? By the way, it is so much classier to write your notes on your hand with a sharpie than to read a teleprompter! Do you want me to send over my opinions on child rearing, birth control, finishing a job?? And we follow you around to have you sign your $28.99 book (Amazon did recently put it in the rock bottom remainders for $19.13), or pay you a big chunk of change to speak! OMG, like we could stop you from speaking!! Please, go home. Mentor one of your children, haven't you heard them screaming for your attention Entertainment Weekly article entitled, Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston's On Again Off Again Relationship Off Again.

MIchaela Salahi and Sarah Palin are like twin daughters of different mothers. Now imagine Michaele in 10 degree water with hip waders and salmon spawning over her feet. Does Burberry even make hip waders? Prada? She couldn't bear to settle for Ralph Lauren again! Some things Sarah and Michaele have in common you ask?

• Both are considered more for their looks than for their content.
• Both believe there is no such thing as bad press.
• Neither their ambition or their balls have any limits.
• Neither one is going to show up unless they get paid.

I have watched about 4 episodes of the New Jersey women, but other than that, I'm not overly versed in the franchise. But hey, I was sucked in by those woman right away. My first episode, one woman got out of bed, decided she was in labor, proceeded to pack every designer bag she had in the house, and get the kids ready for school. I don't know much about birthing babies, Miss Scarlett, but I was impressed. I'm not kidding. I swear that woman made breakfast and dropped the kids off at school on the way! I think we can all agree we don't produce women like that in and around the beltway. There just wasn't a private contractor who would take the job!! But my problem is, since every local has their own Salahi story, we can quickly and clearly recognize the inconsistencies between the people we have met and followed and the two that appear on tv. Like . . . Tareq was question by police again a few weeks ago for being inside the winery property. If his parents were unaware he still has an apartment there, why do all the exterior shots on the show make it appear as though they live there. Evey one knows they live in Linden, where they don't mow or pay association dues. And does anyone wonder when Linden became the new DC? There are some good ole boys laughing between their three remaining teetht at that geography lesson as we speak. And I was thinking about the faux chardonnay/beer scene on the second episode. It wasn't the fact that they were pretending to drink something they weren't (I mean, isn't delusional one of their middle names?), but the explanation for it. I believe Michaele suggested that a bottle of chilling chardonnay would put unreasonable room constraints on that big barn. OK? The Salahi's think everyone must be a raving idiot with poor eye sight! Michaele, "People think I am in my 30's" Salahi, we know high def tv is the real antiChrist! And does this mean that unscripted television isn't real? I'm afraid to ask about the Santa Clause and Tooth Fairy thing!

Then we have Catherine Ommanney. More than Girl Gone Wild we have Boorish Brit Bashes Housewives. She makes Michaela seem sympathetic. I thought her husband seemed oddly one dimensional, now I realize he was another domestic prop. Hope her children are real! And the Aunt Francis fiasco. Who didn't want to pinch her cheeks and have a biscuit loaded with saturated (hopefully unused) fat of some kind? I can just see Michaele working up some tears while inventing, I am recounting a childhood experience, say maybe in her own nanny's kitchen. Translated, Michaele has a vision of her childhood and shutters at the memory of not even having a housekeeper growing, all the while her parents sat her down and forced her to consume carbohydrates. Michaele overcome by tear at the memory mumbles an excuse into her napkin as she jets to the ladies to get rid of anything she accidentally swallowed.
Still, even if forced to be phony, I believe Michaele would have convinced even the most causal observer that she fit right into Green Acres. Cat on the other hand, is just an odious human being with little or no redeeming qualities. Are there any housewives left for her to offend. Is she going to be the first housewife voted off the plaza, even with two immunity idols and vintage chardonnay?